We're taught that these ideals are what we should strive for - the right man to come along and be as romantic as Prince Charming, searching the countryside for Cinderella while bringing her glass slipper back to her; True Love like Sleeping Beauty's to make your whole body come alive with one kiss; and a rich man like Rumplestiltskin so money has no boundaries because he can just make more.
The problem is that not all of this exists, but women want to hold out to find it!
I had a conversation with someone yesterday about this, and it inspired me to write this blog.
My point of view is that Fairy Tales (while we all want to believe in them), really only do one thing for women - they teach us how we deserve to be treated - with respect, dignity, put first, romantically, etc.
YOU have decide in your life and relationships, what things you can live WITH, and what you're willing to live WITHOUT. That's where real life differs from the Fairy Tales.
There's no perfect man, there's just a perfect man for you out there somewhere!
So, since I'm a sharing kind of person, ready or not, here are my lists (in no particular order):
NEEDS
- A Realist - I'm an optimist, to a fault sometimes. So I need someone who can bring me back to reality (in a nice way, of course) to keep me grounded and balance me out. Please note that you still have to let me be an eternal optimist though...lol
- A Gentleman - I like the old fashioned, open doors, plan dates, ask me out, make the first move, men. There's nothing sexier than a man who plans a date, picks me up looking well put together, tells me where we're going, and then executes that plan. Why is follow through so sexy?!
- Ambition - I like someone who challenges the status quo and is always looking to better themselves. Someone who has a plan for their future (and mine someday).
- Honesty/Openness - I'm a "lay it all out there" kind of woman, and I want the same thing in return. I've never played mind games - my philosophy is that I'd like to always know where I/we stand. I'd rather be honest about something, even if it's slightly painful to say or hear, than lie.
- Fidelity - To me, there's NO reason to cheat. When someone steps out of their relationship, it's because they're MISSING something in it. That's where the honesty/openness comes in - speak your mind - put it out there! Cheating just shows a lack of respect for the other person - if you lack respect, you shouldn't be with them in the first place (just my opinion)
- Good Communicator - I love a good debate or conversation. Sometimes I'll take the opposing view just to see if you're solid in your beliefs. I appreciate someone who's well spoken who I can chat for hours with about nothing and everything.
- Follow Through - Tell me what you're going to do, and then do it. That's how you build trust in a relationship from day 1. I'll never get tired of follow through :)
- Hobbies/Friend Time - I believe that we each have to have our own time to enjoy things we love separately - man time, girlfriend time, hobbies, working out, etc - it makes us a stronger couple when we have time to clear our minds as individuals.
- Appreciates the Small Things - While every woman loves a grand gesture of love and appreciation, I put more value in the small things that show you care - taking a 1/2 day off work to come home and spend the afternoon with me, leaving me a note before one of my big presentations to wish me luck, a text message to say you're thinking about me, surprising me with a dinner reservation at a new or favorite restaurant. We don't all have time for the BIG stuff, so the little things just mean more.
- Passion -There's something to be said about standing in front of the person you're with and just looking them in the eyes, and wanting to rip their clothes off. (Sorry Mom!) A certain level of passion has to be there in a relationship - I know that fireworks can fade, but they're also what keep you fighting through the tough times because you WANT to be with that person.
- Sense of Humor - Laughter gets you through tough times too. You have to be able to laugh at all the crazy stuff life throws at you!
- Touch - This one is going to sound silly, but sense of touch is a fun one. When you're out in public and he grazes your hand with his, or touches the small of your back as you walk through the door in front of him, or you're snuggling and he touches your leg. There's kind of an unspoken language that comes from these little things, that I love and really enjoy.
- Emotional Stability - I need someone that can meet me half way. They are stable enough in their life that they can support me as much as I can support them emotionally. Relationships are a two way street!
- Quirks - Don't be shocked, but I'm pretty quirky. I like my quirks! I don't expect a man to love and enjoy ALL of them, but just not to put me down or make fun of them. Just accept them, the same way I will accept yours.
- Family Oriented - Some girls grow up playing house and pretending to be a wife, I played house and wanted to be the MOM! I need a man who definitely wants a family, and who will be a terrific dad. I also want him to be close to his family - kids need grandparents to spoil them, and families are a great support system too.
- God Fearing - I believe in God, and that all things happen for a reason. It's all based in His timing. I need to have a man in my life that thinks the same things and wants to have some kind of relationship with God too.
- Racist/Judgemental - I enjoy being around people from all walks of life and ethnicities. I cannot be with someone who judges or puts others down because of where they come from or their race or sexual orientation.
- Depressed/Negative Attitude - I know myself well enough to know that I can't be with someone who is constantly depressed or feeling bad about themselves and/or their lives. I'm a giver, and I'd spend most of my time making that person feel better/happy. My own feelings and life would take a backburner, and then become miserable in return. I need someone stable, that can be there for me just as much as I'm there for him.
- Temper/Abusive - I'm a pretty even keeled and positive person, even during an argument. I don't like raised voices or yelling, and certainly not abuse (physical or emotional)! I'd leave instantly if those things happened!
- Cheating/Lying - One and done is my philosophy. When someone lies to you or cheats on you, believe them the first time and leave. I respect myself too much to put up with that stuff!
- Addiction - Whether it's alcohol, pain killers, crystal meth, gambling, whatever - I want nothing to do with addiction! Unless it's an addiction to having me in your life, then that's fine lol
This exercise made me learn that there's no perfect man, just the perfect man for ME out there somewhere. I hope I find him (or maybe I already have? who knows...), I think we both deserve that :)
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